Julie & Julia

I saw Julie & Julia in theaters this summer with my grandmother. I felt like I could relate a little too well with depressed and displeased 30-year-old Julie Powell.

Haven't you ever just felt like your life was meant to be more than it was? Haven't you ever felt like there was something bigger out there for you? Haven't you ever felt like there was more to life than this? As we enter this holiday season, I find myself more and more frustrated with life. More and more upset with the way things are. I am very fortunate. Very blessed. I live a very good life. So should I even be wanting more? Is it okay for me to want more?

I'm tired of working at what feels like nothing. I'm tired of living at home and feeling 18 all the time. I'm tired of being in California. I'm tired of being angry and frustrated. I'm tired of just feeling like I'm sitting on the sidelines while other people get to play bigger roles. I'm frustrated. I'm tired. I'm over so much of this.

How do you find the strength to pull through? How do you persevere? How do you keep going when it seems so much easier to settle into the mediocre life with the mediocre person doing mediocre thing? How do you keep from settling? How do you survive when you've been swimming way too long?

God helps, it's true. But you still get frustrated. You still get pissed off. You still get tired. I've been trying really hard to just focus and seek God's will in all of this, for comfort and solace, but it's getting harder and harder every week, the longer I'm here. The long I'm here, the more I think that it will be so much easier if I just get a desk job, I start looking for Mr. Right, and I get married, start popping out kids, become a coaches wife and bake snacks all day long and go to PTA meetings every week and make sack lunches in ugly brown paper bags.

Is that the easier life?

I want more. I can feel it. I can taste it. But it's not here...