I Should be dead. Again.

I use to not take risks because I was afraid. You know, afraid of death or being paralyzed or losing my sight or losing my hands and arms or losing my legs. I was afraid of tragedy. I was afraid of pain. I was afraid of anything that had even the slightest chance of hurting me or of my losing something or someone.

Until a few weeks ago. A few weeks ago I decided to position myself in a place where God could be seen. To take risks. To take chances. To have faith. To put myself out there. To see what could happen. Since then, I've had four opportunities that either I should be dead or I should have lost something very important to me. And out of those four opportunities, every time God's grace has been covering me and his love has been protecting me. I am in awe of him. I am in awe of his love for me. I am in awe of his power and his grace and his majesty. I am in awe.

On top of that, God has brought an abundance of work to my attention. When I submitted myself, when I humbled myself, when I said God, I'm sorry for being a control freak, for trusting no one but myself, for trying to live life on my own--not only did he forgive me but he blessed me. And for that I am still in awe of him. God is so good. He is so gracious. He is perfect. He is beautiful and wonderful and amazing and faithful and for the first time in my life I say those things actually MEANING them. I saw them with conviction and strength and belief and sincerity, actually completely believing them.

I have seen his power. I grew up seeing miracles and being part of miracles. I grew up in his power and in his love to the point where I couldn't realize it on my own. It wasn't until the small things, the little details, the little bits of life that I really truly got to see God.

I should be dead. In a car crash. In a plane crash. I don't deserve such grace, such love--but that is why God is God and I am me.

How good is our God!

Last week I had the opportunity to visit RISD, Rhode Island School of Design, and it was absolutely amazing! It was everything I wanted in a school...people ride bikes everywhere, there is art everywhere, there's parks and canals and a really nice library and mom and pop coffee shops and bookstores and nightlife and broadway and movie theaters. How amazing!

Anyway, it's still not my number one because God is good and crazy and amazing! I don't know why I doubt him or why I fault him or why I give him human characteristics or why I even think that maybe he's not God, because he is and he never ceases to amaze me with his goodness.

I went to SVA, School of Visual Arts, in NYC and attended an informational meeting and basically they focus on social change design. They encourage and teach you to become a story teller and an entrepreneur and on top of that they connect you, network you and guide you to being able to do that. It's EVERYTHING I ever wanted in a program and it's exactly what I feel like God has called me to do with my life. How crazy! How ridiculous! How good is our God!

Now here's to three months of preparing and applying for Grad School! Now it's time to cut down on my social life and focus on art and grad school and getting into SVA! Pray for me!

Here's some more photos of beautiful fall in Providence, RI and Plymouth, Ma