As I sit here, it's 3:06 a.m. I am waiting until 3:20 a.m. so that i can take painkillers and go back to sleep. Thursday was bunion obliteration day. Now, all I feel is intense, achy pain. It doesn't shoot all the time. Sometimes it's constantly shooting, where as if I haven't taken painkillers, it starts to shoot, I start to get tears in my eyes because it's so completely unbearable.
A part of me does not understand why I did this. Why I went from perfectly good shape and healthy condition to perfectly shitty shape and lame condition? This illustration demonstrates perfectly what my foot looked liked and what it should have looked like. Truth is, once healed correctly and completely, I will be in better physical shape than before. Translation: I might be able to run triathlons without worrying about unnecessary foot pain or hike large mountains without having to be hindered physically. Did I even notice how much it hindered me until recently?
I think I got fairly use to the pain and use to the problem that I was able to ignore it. After I went to the doctor, I started to acknowledge every time it hurt--And it hurt A LOT. Every time i was at the gym and it was painful for me to run or when it hurts to jump. I started to realize that it does hurt a lot and it does hinder me from my athletic potential.
But now all i feel is the pain as i try to remember all the promises. It hurts so bad sometimes I want to cry. And I can't do anything, which might be even more painfully humbling than the pain itself. Having to ask for help to do even the smallest task like making breakfast to getting tucked into bed to watching TV to taking a bath.
If God was tired of me asking for forgiveness for my pride, He chose the right thing for me to be humbled in. That's for sure. And if he wanted me to learn to cry out to him, to depend on others--to solidify all the lessons I've been learning this past year, well He chose the right thing for me. That's for sure.
