Good tidings of comfort and joy

Yesterday was a good day.

I got to hang out with sweet, beautiful girls and enjoy sweet, beautiful friendship. I am blessed beyond what I ever expected by so many wonderful, amazing friends.

When I was a kid, I never really thought I'd be where I am today. How sad is that? I felt horribly disliked, unfortunately outcasted, and very very uncool and unpopular and unlovable. I write this because I want you to know there is freedom and there is hope from feelings like that. I'm living proof. I use to think that I would never have any meaningful friends. I would watch TV shows like Dawson's Creek, Saved by the Bell and The OC and think the shows were a bunch of crap because, well, no one really loves each other like they do on TV? Most people end up hating you for one reason or another. You can trust anyone. You can't fully love anyone. You've got to always protect yourself. You are the only one who can protect your heart, your soul--you gotta keep it away from everyone.

Lies! So many lies! God is our protector, our savior, our best friend, our lover, our father! It wasn't until I developed this amazing relationship with our father that I got to experience his relentless love for me and how he gives us that relentless, unyielding love through other people in our lives. I use to think that I had to be insecure,  I had to be a wall, I had to keep to myself because that was the only way that I would stay safe, that I would keep from hurting, that I could shield myself from the pain.

But the truth is this: if we are shielding ourselves from the pain, if we are living a life full of fear and insecurity than we are not fully embracing Jesus Christ. I'm not saying that I've solved the equation, that now I have it all together or even that this relationship with Christ erases 22 years of pain and hurt and loneliness instantly. All I'm saying is that there is a freedom in Christ. There is love in Christ. There is community in Christ. There is so much on the other side when we surrender to him, give our hearts completely to him, trust in him to protect us and keep us safe and hope in him.

There is so much more on the other side--just waiting for us.

Things I never thought were possibly--things that I never thought I could feel. Happiness. Joy. Security. Strength. Confidence. Being wanted. Being needed. Being loved.

If someone had asked me a year ago how I thought I would feel a year from now; freedom would be the last thing I had thought. How did I feel a year ago? Tired. Exhausted. Empty. Frustrated. Insecure. Fearful. Angry. Low self-worth. Low self-esteem. Did I think that freedom was possible? Did I know this freedom was possible? No. But it is--and it is more than worth it.