My best friend is amazing

My best friend is amazing (though clearly not pictured here.) This is probably the most contradictory set of best friends possible: Blair and Serena of Gossip Girl. Regardless though, mine is pretty amazing. All of mine are, actually. I'm beginning to realize you have to be fairly selective with who you chose to give this honor. 

I wasn't very good at it for a long time. I was lonely for a long long time because of many, many issues from my family and being home schooled and bad experiences with basketball teams. Many things happened to me that gave me this low self-esteem and low self-worth and brought on a perpetual feeling of not feeling good enough. So I kinda gave the title out without thinking and still do at times. I would just kind of throw it out there if we hung out a lot or if we just happened to have a few deep conversations. But I'm learning that's not what makes a good friend.

I have three really amazing, really awesome best friends. They don't just support me or hang out with me, but they fight with me and for me, they guide me and they let me guide them, they lead me but walk beside me when necessary, they pray for me and with me whenever I need it. It's been a pretty rough road to get here, to say the least. I've had every sort of teammate, roommate, friend possible--I've had the good, the bad and the ugly. But that's part of life. Life is figuring out who your friends are and who will be along for the journey.

And my bestest best friend, knows me better than I know myself; in a way I can't really describe. I use to think that was just a cliche or an ideal that you hoped for, but now I realize it comes with true friendship, true intimacy, true vulnerability. There's so much about friendship that I didn't really understand until today: the beauty and the wonderfulness of God-given, God-driven relationships with two active faith followers. And the truth that comes in true friendship, harsh truth, loving truth--it's a beautiful and rare honesty that comes in true TRUE friendship.

I've been dealing with some stressful, heavy stuff lately and my best friend is currently working in Africa for God knows how long. But thankfully technology has made it almost a seamless transition (minus the 8 hour time difference, thank you day light savings). But today when I was talking to her on the phone, it just became so evident and clear what a best friend is--someone who doesn't just agree with you and doesn't just argue with you because they can. They don't assume they know you. They don't insist they know you. They know you because they love you, they value you, they care for you, they pray for you. And so they correct you, sympathize with you, guide you, love you in a way that's clearly from God and clearly God-given. And it blows my mind. God blows my mind. True friendship blows my mind. 

So I'm learning about boundaries in relationships. Not to always give. Not to always take on. Not to hang out with whoever wants to hang out. You have to have boundaries. You have to be able to say no. You have to be able to say you draw the line at some place, that not everyone can be your best friend and you can't give every part of yourself to everyone.

And I'm learning to be content. I'm learning to see the amazing-ness in the friends that I have and to understand that near or far, wherever they are, they are in my heart. Once-in-a-lifetime-friends only come once in a lifetime after all. And to invest in the friends I have close to me already: better to have 10 minutes with one close friend then one day with 10 friends.

And it doesn't mean that I don't immerse myself in the community around me because that is God-given too. It just means I ration out my time, my love, my care, my self to the people around me, remembering the close friends I have and the close friends I'm making...but making sure not everyone is a close friend. It's okay to have friends and acquaintances--you just don't have to invest evenly in everyone. And I'm sure not giving out that title for a long time, if ever again. That's for sure.