Back in the 90s, Matthew Fox was famous for his stint as resident good big brother Charlie Salinger. Charlie had to quit his job and move home to take care of his four siblings when his parents were tragically killed in a car accident by a drunk driver. Charlie was the prime example of the older brother, similar to the prodigal father story found in the bible. Charlie had to leave his entire life behind to serve his family and to take care of his siblings, raising them, teaching them and being their legal guardian. His life, as he knew it, as he dreamed of it being, cease to exist.
I have been reading this book, Experiencing Father's Embrace by Jack Frost.
If you want a book that will change your life, it's this one. It takes about the Father's love, what often keeps us from receiving that love and how we can position our hearts in a way to receive the Father's love. Chapter 5 is about the Older Brother Syndrome from the story of the Prodigal Father. The older brother was the one who was hurt and resentful because his younger, rebellious brother received his father's joyous welcoming, including the fattest cafe available. This chapter talks about how easy it is to fall into a spirit of legalism, of religious-ness and how when we do, we become like the older brother. We in turn sign against love because when we are too concerned pride, jealousy and self-righteousness and instead of seeing the hurt and the lost the way that God sees them, we see them with judgement, criticism and pride. We see how we can be better than someone because we need to be the best that we can to be able to receive God's love. That's a lie. We are given God's for no reason, simply because he loves us. But so often we fall into this self-righteous, prideful, envious attitude where we believe that we have to do certain things, be them spiritual or ministerial acts or financial success and accolades to have God's approval, love and blessing.
"The older brother syndrome creates its own cycle that takes the sincere but gullible participant down a subtle path of self-destruction that, if left unchecked, ultimately leads to a cold heart void of love, tenderness, or compassion. The key to breaking the cycle is to recognize the symptoms early enough to thwart its development. The sins of the older brother can cause severe damage in the Church if allowed to continue, because the sins against love and compassion are the most harmful to needy people seeking forgiveness and healing. It is a great tragedy when wayward younger brothers and sisters who are on the verge of repentance and restoration to the Father are shut out by self-righteousness of those who profess the name of Christ.
As soon as the older brother or good son drifts away from the father's house because of a negative attitude of self-love, jealousy, or judgmentalism, an emotional and spiritual distance is immediately created between him and his Father. any distance from God's love will gradually gravitate to law and legalism, and it will lead to feelings of insecurity because it is the unconditional acceptance of the Father that gives our true value and self-worth."
"Deeply intimate relationships with other people are possibly only between individuals who are secure in God's love, because the foundation of such relationships is love, trust, and commitment. As soon as distance from God's unconditional love and insecurity begins to occur, intimacy with others become very difficult because we treat others in the way we feel about ourselves. Whatever we feel that we have to do to feel valued by God, then others will have to do the same to feel valued by us."
"The real problem comes when we believe that to truly be accepted, or important in life, we must be the one to earn it. If we aren't able to achieve what we believe we must, we may begin to judge ourselves...And finally, because of the guilt that we feel for coming up short, we put on a cloak of defensiveness and judgementalism, and the need to be right becomes more important than fostering healthy relationships."
"The love of God is a gift; it is free and undeserved. There is nothing you can do to be loved by Him any more than you already are. And there is nothing you can do to lessen His love. God's love is unconditional, but if it is not experienced on a level that brings healing to the childhood hurt and anger at not feeling unconditionally love, a resentment and critical attitude is often the result. when that childhood frustration encounters the laws and rules of religion, an environment is created in which the older brother syndrome may flourish."
