Feisty Play

BYU get manhandled by Elizabeth Lambert. She displayed horrible sportsmanship and even pulled a girl down by her pony tail. She is suspended indefinitely...dude!!!

I can't say anything but DUDE!!!

DUDE!!!!!!!!!

Tired of Working

Right on schedule, I'm tired of working and I still have like 35 pages left on this magazine. Boo! I'm so ready to be doing something else... Tomorrow is a photo shoot so that excites me but then it's back to this thing.

Ahhh! Dang my ADD. Which would I rather do right now--take photos or design?

I don't know. It's the conflict of my life. I think I would easily get tired of both. Story of my life. Again.

I do know that I want this film camera. I think it would be fun to mess around with. Ya? Ya! 

You control your own destiny

I've been watching a lot of Friday Night Light lately (I have season 1 on DVD) and I still cry even though I know already what's going to happen.

I've pretty much decided Connie Britton is amazing in her portrayal of a coach's wife. She makes it so exciting and enticing, to say the least. But that's of course, another story.

Anyway, one of the episodes the coach tells his team before the game, "You control your destiny."

And it's true. As much as what we do with our lives is trying to decide if we are following God's will, we are ultimately choosing our own destiny. We pick where we go. We pick who we hang out. What city we live in. What car we drive. Everything.

God gives us the desires of our hearts and he puts those desires in our heart but ultimately we must decide whether or not our destiny is to follow him. To consider everything rubbish except knowing Jesus Christ.

Love is...only worth something when you give it away.

Love. It's kind of this sickening thing that I never wanted to really think about. But recently I've had a lot of friends start getting involved or even getting engaged so I've had to think about it and think about what it really means to love someone and to be loved by someone.

So I have this friend, we'll name her Felicity (her name has been changed to protect the innocent). She recently started dating a man named Noel. He treats her like an absolute princess. She drove down to San Diego to hang out with him and he had the entire day planned--they went to an art show and they went wine tasting and they had a picnic and a nice dinner with wine and they watched the sunset on the beach. When it was time for "Felicity" to go home "Noel" packed her car with water and coffee and mixed CDs for the drive home and when she got home she found chocolate and roses in her trunk.

Like OMG, isn't that adorable? This is the kind of man that we should want and we should wait for, but how often do we settle? How often do we convince ourselves that we're not worth being adored by someone?

The story made me cry because I realized that I want to be at a point where I can accept adoration like that. Where I can accept that someone loves me and wants to be with me and adores me and respects me and accepts me--that I'm worth being treated like a princess.

The way that we get to a point like this isn't by putting ourselves out there for boys but being able to give love away, being able to give love because that's the only way that we are able to receive it. Trusting God for not only his protection and his guarding of our hearts, but trusting him as we give love away. Trusting God's love for us. And that's when we can not only fully give love, but we can fully receive love and we can receive beautiful gift and adoration from a man that God loves too.

I Should be dead. Again.

I use to not take risks because I was afraid. You know, afraid of death or being paralyzed or losing my sight or losing my hands and arms or losing my legs. I was afraid of tragedy. I was afraid of pain. I was afraid of anything that had even the slightest chance of hurting me or of my losing something or someone.

Until a few weeks ago. A few weeks ago I decided to position myself in a place where God could be seen. To take risks. To take chances. To have faith. To put myself out there. To see what could happen. Since then, I've had four opportunities that either I should be dead or I should have lost something very important to me. And out of those four opportunities, every time God's grace has been covering me and his love has been protecting me. I am in awe of him. I am in awe of his love for me. I am in awe of his power and his grace and his majesty. I am in awe.

On top of that, God has brought an abundance of work to my attention. When I submitted myself, when I humbled myself, when I said God, I'm sorry for being a control freak, for trusting no one but myself, for trying to live life on my own--not only did he forgive me but he blessed me. And for that I am still in awe of him. God is so good. He is so gracious. He is perfect. He is beautiful and wonderful and amazing and faithful and for the first time in my life I say those things actually MEANING them. I saw them with conviction and strength and belief and sincerity, actually completely believing them.

I have seen his power. I grew up seeing miracles and being part of miracles. I grew up in his power and in his love to the point where I couldn't realize it on my own. It wasn't until the small things, the little details, the little bits of life that I really truly got to see God.

I should be dead. In a car crash. In a plane crash. I don't deserve such grace, such love--but that is why God is God and I am me.

How good is our God!

Last week I had the opportunity to visit RISD, Rhode Island School of Design, and it was absolutely amazing! It was everything I wanted in a school...people ride bikes everywhere, there is art everywhere, there's parks and canals and a really nice library and mom and pop coffee shops and bookstores and nightlife and broadway and movie theaters. How amazing!

Anyway, it's still not my number one because God is good and crazy and amazing! I don't know why I doubt him or why I fault him or why I give him human characteristics or why I even think that maybe he's not God, because he is and he never ceases to amaze me with his goodness.

I went to SVA, School of Visual Arts, in NYC and attended an informational meeting and basically they focus on social change design. They encourage and teach you to become a story teller and an entrepreneur and on top of that they connect you, network you and guide you to being able to do that. It's EVERYTHING I ever wanted in a program and it's exactly what I feel like God has called me to do with my life. How crazy! How ridiculous! How good is our God!

Now here's to three months of preparing and applying for Grad School! Now it's time to cut down on my social life and focus on art and grad school and getting into SVA! Pray for me!

Here's some more photos of beautiful fall in Providence, RI and Plymouth, Ma

East Coast Revisited

I had to go back to NYC to attend an information meeting for a potential grad school program. I decided to head south afterward instead of my usual north. Typically, I would just take a bus up to DC and spend a few days there but decided to spend the weekend in Boston and then look at RISD during the week.

Where Noel lives is a tad bit too small town for me and Boston sometimes is a bit tiny for my taste, but it was nice to get away again. I'm continually left speechless at God's timing. When I initially figured out I had to go back to NYC for a meeting, I was a little frustrated because I had literally just gotten back on an airplane for LA and then last week, after breakdown numero tres, it felt like perfect timing to go out and get my perspective refreshed. And it was.

And it was interesting to really truly realize that I'm not the same person I was a year ago. Last year I would have been all about success and achievement and trying to "live the life" and now I'm all about love and justice and peace and God and doing whatever makes you happy and whatever it is that God wants you to do. I never really cared about all those extra things except for that's what everyone told me to care about because I have this talent and because I'm good at this thing. But being good at something and having talent will only take you so far. It's happiness and it's love and it's inner peace and world justice that will take you places that help you feel truly happy and you feel like you are truly being rewarded for the work that you are doing.

Personal accolades are nice, but they've never been for me. Success has never been for me. I was the kid who was given the spotlight but didn't want it. I was the kid that was told to shoot 20 times in a game but passed 20 times and got benched. I'm finally learning to aligning my heart and my head and it's a beautiful thing to finally be able to be happy in the life that I'm living because I'm doing what I want to do.